Thursday, June 12, 2014
Today has been a box of
mixed emotions. I portrayed stability and enthusiasm on the outside while
saddened over the meaning of this day on the inside.
Today is the one month. One
month since Mom passed away and, coincidently, one month until Molly’s joyous
wedding celebration. I anticipated today because after the “one-month” it has
then been “two-months” and then “three months,” etc. The distance from May 12th
still scares me. Today made me realize the finality of her death, feeling
timidity towards the future. I thought about her all day long. When I did it
pained my heart for a split second.
Monday, June 16, 2014
A fast and furious (&
slightly invigorating) weekend! Dad, Karen, Aunt Becky, Uncle Greg, Dustin, and
Molly all came to town to celebrate me! What a special weekend it was – but a
hard one at that. I constantly had Mom in the back of my mind. Friday I kept
thinking, “Mom is on her way!” But then my heart would pain when I realized it
wasn’t reality. She used to get SO excited to come visit me in college and
Spokane that she would pack a week beforehand and begin a countdown until she
came! I miss that. I wanted to look at my phone and see, “Over the vantage bridge!”
“Almost there!” “Can’t wait, my love bug!” I’m grateful Molly came over a day
early to help ease the transition of grief to celebration. I tried my best to
enjoy and soak up every moment because I long to be around family and friends
who knew my Mom. I had just that. I laughed, I cried, I participated in
conversations, but still ruminated over and over about how proud my Mom would
be of me, how she would have been the “party planner” for the weekend, and her
big smile that would say a thousand words.
But I did it – I walked
across that stage with one my hand over my cap and one hand holding down my
gown. The gusts of wind were powerful as the rains pelted down on the red
field. It was miserable outside and my poor family mustered through the storm to
support me. The minute I grabbed my diploma and was hooded I peaced out! A
security guard even tried to stop me! Thank you assertiveness training for
teaching me to advocate for myself.
The rest of the day was
spent with surrounding friends who came to celebrate at our house.
Class of 2014
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