May 4th
Happy 56th Birthday Mom! Wish you were here so we could celebrate with you! It's incredible HOW much my heart still hurts and misses you. As each day passes it seems my heart should hurt less and less but in fact it hurts more and more. One more day without you. One more birthday celebrated in your absence. How come God had to take you at such a young age? I don't think I'll ever understand it - but I reprocess it almost hourly. Today my friends threw me a little memorial at Manito Park. Remember when we went there together? I wrote on a balloon and sent it up to heaven - am hoping the angels delivered it. Happy Birthday Mom.
May 5th
IT'S EMBRYO TRANSFER DAY!!!
Craig and I (as you all know) went through the IVF process in order to up our chances of starting a family. Today was the day we had been waiting for since starting the process in November of 2014. Injections began in February and today was the day we chose to have two precious embryos transferred. It was a bittersweet day - just having celebrated Mom's birthday without her - and wishing she could have been here for the big event. But we went into the operating room with our heads held high and feeling extremely confident about where God was leading us. He wouldn't have set us up for an unsuccessful transfer the week of Mom's birthday and one year (death) anniversary, would He? It was out of our hands. After the transfer is the dreaded nine day wait until the results...
May 10th
First Mother's Day without Mom.
May 12th
One year since Mom went to heaven.
Tough day.
Celebrated her life with family & close friends in Federal Way.
May 14th
The day of the pregnancy test! Dad and Karen drove over from Portland to be with us when we got that exciting phone call! God was going to redeem this tough month of May with a tiny blessing growing inside of me. I was faithful and prayed daily for the lives placed in me. I meditated. I offered up my ED in order to properly nourish my body. But I can't say I tried to remain calm and zen like, which helps the embryos attach to the uterus. I had just experienced three extremely hard days: Mom's birthday, Mother's Day, and her one year anniversary. To say the least, I shed a bunch of tears, held my stomach in knots over sadness, grief, pain, and anguish. I couldn't control that part of the process.
The results were in...PREGNANT...but not a healthy attachment.
The following week consisted of an induced miscarriage.
Tears fell, yet again.
Craig and I decided to hop right into another round of injections in order to try another transfer in June.
June 30th
EMBRYO TRANSFER DAY!!!!
Another long nine day wait...
July 9th
DAY OF PREGNANCY TEST!
Once again, Dad and Karen drove over and Molly flew in from Seattle. We felt supported and blessed no matter what the results this time. Anxious. Nervous. Excited. Scared. I couldn't deal with another negative.
But we got the phone call and WE ARE PREGNANT!
July 17th
First ultrasound to check and make sure it's a viable pregnancy and the embryos didn't implant outside of the uterus or in the fallopian tubes. WHAT?! So it could be a non-viable pregnancy? Craig and I went with our best feet forward, expecting the best news possible! And boy did we get bigger news than we had thought. TRIPLETS...on the way...due March 2016.
The rest of July and August
The rest of July we couldn't help but be excited. We got to celebrate the lives inside of me, our 5 year anniversary (on the 24th), took an impromptu trip to Gilead for HS week's FNL, spent summer nights with good friends, bought a mini van (2011 Toyota Sienna), and just overall got to enjoy life...since the past two months had been tough to get through.
Labor Day Weekend
To Sunriver, OR we go! We met up with Dad and Karen, Molly and Dustin to enjoy three days off, the sun, relaxation, bike riding, hiking, golfing, walking, virgin drinks (for me), Mexican Train Game (dominos), baking, cooking, and football.
September 17th
Tomorrow, the 18th, will be my one year anniversary of graduating/being discharged from intensive treatment for my eating disorder at The Emily Program! I was in treatment for six entire months at 40 hours a week! I grew...I fell...I was challenged...I found strength...I found balance...I found God...I felt what it was going to be like to be "recovered" and free. However, the past year, being out of treatment, has been no cake walk. In fact, my journey has been far from linear and FAR from anything perfect. My journey has been messy - but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. So as I get ready to celebrate the one year since my discharge - I find myself starting intensive treatment again today. Ugh. Shame. I was supposed to rock this thing called pregnancy. I was supposed to be okay with the weight gain. I was wrong. I knew it was going to be hard but didn't know it was going to be THIS hard. And to make it even more difficult I have to gain the weight and eat enough for three babies and myself. I made the decision for myself and my babies that I needed accountability and treatment again. I made it just shy of a year of being out - one day! But it's where I need to be right now - at 40 hours a week again - but hopefully not for very long! Just long enough to get my weight gain started and strong legs underneath me.
October
October is always a special month for me. I love the color changes, the falling leaves, the crisp that begins in the air, my birthday, Halloween, and all of the fall festivities that go with the month. Craig and I were able to get away - thanks to two very special friends - for a Babymoon/Birthday Celebration. We went to Glacier National Park in Montana! We visited Greenbluff farms and enjoyed a visit from Molly and Dustin right after we moved into our new three bedroom, two bath condo. Talk about having to upsize for three new babies! I also got to celebrate the triplets - Ellison, Oakley, and Isaiah - at Molly's house in Burien. What a beautiful day for a baby shower!!
November
Here we are! November 2015! I just had my first week of treatment at 20 hours a week, rather than 40! And the 20 hour difference is AMAZING! I have so much more time on my hands to mentally and physically prepare for the babies. The most important thing that has come out of round #2 of treatment (other than purely my health and weight gain) is the connection I've made to this pregnancy and to Ellison, Oakley, and Isaiah. I'm doing this for them and I can't do that with ED in tow. I think one more week of treatment with my second discharge being planned for Thursday, November 19th! This month we got to visit with Craig's 91-year-old Grandma, and I've been celebrated with three more baby showers (one tomorrow at church)! So far the month is off to a great start and we can't wait to celebrate Thanksgiving with Craig's side of the family, Molly and Dustin, Grandnan, The Martin's, and Dad and Karen!
Here we are! November 2015! I just had my first week of treatment at 20 hours a week, rather than 40! And the 20 hour difference is AMAZING! I have so much more time on my hands to mentally and physically prepare for the babies. The most important thing that has come out of round #2 of treatment (other than purely my health and weight gain) is the connection I've made to this pregnancy and to Ellison, Oakley, and Isaiah. I'm doing this for them and I can't do that with ED in tow. I think one more week of treatment with my second discharge being planned for Thursday, November 19th! This month we got to visit with Craig's 91-year-old Grandma, and I've been celebrated with three more baby showers (one tomorrow at church)! So far the month is off to a great start and we can't wait to celebrate Thanksgiving with Craig's side of the family, Molly and Dustin, Grandnan, The Martin's, and Dad and Karen!
