Eleven

It seems over the last year I've just been living month to month...maybe more so just day to day. Surviving. I used to feel guilty for saying that this is how life has been but I have had to embrace it and realize that it's okay to just be surviving sometimes. I've learned life can't always be lived to the fullest and I am not always going to be my fullest. This sounds pessimistic but it's not. It's reality and I've learned to embrace reality rather than fight it - ok. that's a little bit of a lie. I'm LEARNING to not fight it ;)

Today Mom's been gone for eleven months. Eleven months in heaven with her refuge and savior. Eleven months though without her daughters. I wonder how she feels. I still feel alone and abandoned at times. Missing my Mom of 27 years. I don't think I will ever be okay with God taking her when He did but I will eventually have to be okay going on and living life without her, something I haven't been okay with yet. I miss her more than I ever thought I would and think of her ever hour.

The 12th of every month has turned into a reflective day. A day of sorrow and mourning but a day I can dedicate to thinking about the mother I had. I remember her smile and her tender love. And today is the last month of living within the year of her death. I anticipate May 12th but continue to live day to day...surviving.

I.L.Y.T.P.