Yesterday could not have been a more beautiful day. The sun was shining as I'm sure my Mom was looking down, counting all of the heads that sat in those pews at St. Luke's. Service details and word of mouth travels fast - but my Mom's love, care, and compassion for others traveled faster. The amount of support is incredible. My Mom was an incredible woman and I considered it a gift to see each and every family member and friend. People traveled from Oregon, Nevada, Kentucky, Ohio, Spokane, Texas, and Colorado to be here. I grew tired of hugs and the question, "how are you?" but know it was all out of love and support. What other day will I get so achey from giving so many hugs? I can't think of one! I woke up sore this morning around my neck...."I'm sorry doctor....I've just been giving too many hugs! I'll try to stop!" ;)
I got to spend some last minute time with my Mom. On our drive to the church we stopped at Starbucks. As I jump out of the car to go with Craig I quickly remember Mom. I didn't want to leave her in the car alone. So, I sat there and waited...with Mom on my lap. It was a special time for us. I talked with her a little bit but it was frustrating she wouldn't talk back. She ALWAYS had to have the last word when we chatted. I tried to think of her favorite Starbucks drink. Told her where we were headed and that I wouldn't leave her until I had to.
She didn't leave my side until service. She remained right under my arm until Molly and I walked her down the aisle. So many family and friends came to hug, shed a tear, and give their condolences. Little did they know they were hugging me AND my Mom. Didn't want to creep anyone out by telling them...but most of you were hugging Susie too! She would have wanted it no other way. It reminded me of my childhood. When I would go grocery shopping with her I always had to stay by her side with one hand on the cart. I would get a "MEGAN!" if I took my hand off. To this day, when I would go to WinCo or Costco with her, I naturally had one hand on the cart. We had many laughs over that silly childhood habit. So yesterday, I kept one hand on the cart.
Molly held a lit candle as I cradled my Mom down the aisle to place her on the alter. We each lit our birth candles - the candles that have been kept as decorations for the last 25 and 28 years. We lit them for the very first time and placed Mom in between us. The cross that hung on my Mom was given to her by St. Luke's on October 5, 2003....oddly my Aunt Becky's birthday. The black box looked so boring that we thought she needed some bling!
The day was a bit overwhelming...er...a lot overwhelming! I wanted to run and hide after service - I even told some people that - Chris Davis being one of them! So of course he pulls me into his office and lets me be. He tried to small talk - I said, "no small talk Chris!" So I just sat. Processed. Breathed and then headed back towards the reception hall where I was greeted with memories, stories, and laughter around my Mom. Therapeutic in a much needed way.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those that helped. Close friends who were also grieving so graciously provided all of the food, set up the reception, set up the lobby, and the sanctuary, so that Molly and I could just "show up" with Mom in tow.
Everyone is amazing and my Mom would have wanted it no other way.
I anticipate the next few days, weeks, and months to be hard - maybe a bit harder than this week has been in a different way. Please don't let me fall off the face of the Earth because that is what I tend to do. I know I will need the support of family and friends, whether it's text messages, FB messages, phone calls, or simple prayers, I am going to need it in a major way. I just lost my Mom this week. I think this will come and slap me across the face as I attempt to return to normalcy. Please, please, don't let me slip into darkness.
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