Dear Friends....

Dear Friends:

The holiday season is a time of peace and happiness; a time of family gatherings, and a bond of closeness felt more strongly than any other holiday of the year.

There are also very different emotions surfacing now for those of us who have experienced the death of a parent. I may be angry, depressed, fearful, or I may just not care. There may be a deep consuming anguish for those having their "first" Christmas, to a few tears and the remembrance of "how it used to be", for those experiencing the second, third, or twenty-third holiday.

There are times when it is too painful to tell you how I feel, or why I act a certain way. Sometimes I don't know myself. I can't tell you why today, hearing a song, seeing a child going into a store or seeing her favorite food, should bring memories and tears, when yesterday it didn't.

I may want to change things this holiday, do them differently than I have in the past. This is my way of coping the the holiday. Please take my feelings into consideration when making your plans.

For some of us, shopping, buying gifts, can be difficult or extremely painful. It seems you always have to pass, or find yourself in, that section of the store where you no longer need to be. Small tasks that I did last year, this year remain undone. They may not seem important; I may not have the energy; or they are just too painful to do. "Put up a tree? I just can't. I just can't use those ornaments."

Please don't tell me to turn off my memories, to snap out of it, that she is dead and life must go on. I, more than you, know my loved one is dead. But my love for them doesn't end with death. All I have left of a very special part of my life are the memories, and they return at unexpected times, filling me with the intense longing for what is no more. Yes, I fully realize that she is dead, gone forever, and that is what hurts.

Please have patience with me. Try to understand why I am acting or feeling the way I am today. With a small look or gesture, let me know it is all right with you for me to love, to cry, to remember. I'm not doing it to make you uncomfortable or to gain sympathy. I am just trying to cope. Please help me "make it through" this holiday season.

Megan

(excerpt taken from Franciscan Hospice Bereavement Services)