words not my own

I couldn't bring myself to write anything yesterday in honor of Mom's 6 month anniversary of her passing. Sometimes other people express what I am feeling better than I can. Right now it seems that my sister and I are experiencing a mirror image of our feelings, emotions, and struggles. It is comforting to know that we understand each other during this difficult time. Here is what my sister posted yesterday about our childhood home selling, which is almost identical to what I could have written. I love you Sis and so grateful I have you.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

A House, No Longer a Home

"The only way I know how to write this 6 month anniversary post is by sharing what has happened over the last few weeks.

4 days before we left for Europe, we received news that someone had placed a generous cash offer on my mom's home. A home where my aunt still lived, where memories were created for 21 years and where mom's belongings still had a place in every room. A home that wasn't going to enter the housing market until spring and a home that I still had time to sort through carefully and thoughtfully, when I was ready.

4 days before Europe, I was alerted via text message about the surprising cash offer and was asked to move my things out before our trip. It was strictly business, no ounce of compassion was conveyed by any of the characters that were spelled out on the screen of my phone.

After chaos settled, emotions were set aside and everyone came to an agreement that we could move our belongings out after our trip. It made the move rushed because time was limited and a closing date was in sight. Sorting, sharing and remembering each belonging was no longer possible. We were on a deadline.

When I would to try to explain how I felt about losing the house so soon, many responses hurt me even more. So I stopped.

"It's just a house."
"Well, it makes sense."
"It was going to sell anyways."
"It's frustrating to tell you such good news and have you react negatively."

The house officially closed last Friday and I am sure the new family has already settled in, enjoyed a few meals and hopefully gathered around the fireplace. Mom's siblings seem to be excited that the "long process" is over. Was that home really more of a pain than a joy for everyone else?

The article I posted yesterday empathized with the emotions I still struggle with and made me realized that the house is another gigantic loss and another hole that cannot be filled. However, she mentions that these problems are no longer at the top of everyone's mind. Can I blame others and be mad at them? I want to, but I can't.

I could continue to babble on, but want to keep this post short. Hopefully, it gives you a glimpse into the life of someone who is still mourning months or even years after a loved one has passed. Maybe you can consider placing another person's problem at the top of your mind for a few minutes. Maybe you can even relate?

6 months down, many more to go."