My P90x Experience

4 years ago this December I began tracking my runs.

To this day, I have covered 1,815 miles...burned 152,046 calories.

I have lost 48 pounds since sophomore year of high school, 28 of which since junior year of college.

I saw a counselor.

I saw a second counselor.

I deceived them both [I blame being a psychology student!]

I confided in my pastor.

I confided in my boyfriend.

I was identified with exercise.

2 years ago I had to put my running on halt due to a severe ankle sprain.

May 2010 I ran my first 10k.  

May 2011 I ran my first 12k.

8 1/2 weeks ago I started physical therapy due to over training.

5 1/2 weeks ago I ran my first half marathon.

5 weeks ago I started P90x.

3 weeks ago I saw a nutritionist.

I was put on a 1,800 calorie diet.

Now I only average 3-6 miles of running a week.

I have gained 4 pounds back.

My shoulders are broader.

My pants fit tighter.

Is this supposed to make me feel good?  

It's not who I am used to seeing in the mirror but I still identify myself through exercise.

What a roller coaster that few people know about...but maybe a roller coaster that more than a few people have been on before?  

It's not talked about, it's a hidden discussion, and a battle that eats at the mind.

Is my identity hidden with Christ?

Can my weakness keep me from a dynamic relationship with the Lord?

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.  For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.  When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."

Colossians 3:1-4

About three months ago Craig had asked me if I would do the P90x program with him if he bought it with his birthday money.  Of course I said HECK YES because I say yes to anything that exerts physical activity or that has to do with exercise.  I didn't really know what to expect.  I have heard fantastic things about Tony Horton and his program!  I have also heard that it's a kick-butt workout.  No one ever told me it would bulk me up like the hulk.  OK so that is a bit extreme but I have had to make myself eat more protein and whole carbs (we are also doing the P90x food plan).  I really miss my salads!!  My body is transitioning in so many ways right now that I fight feelings of obesity and discomfort.  I look in the mirror and don't really recognize myself from the neck down.  There are more muscles and I have filled out my own skin for sure.  But I have slowly come to realize that this has been one of the best things for me.  I am a very black and white girl.  I like plans and I like people telling me what to do...that is, if I still have control over my decisions.  My 1,800 calorie diet is so laid out for me that is is cake to follow.  And a plus is that I have felt more energized and stronger when I do run...probably because I am not running on empty.  But I am still trying to insert God into all of these revelations and body transformations.  It is hard for me to let those two worlds collide but need to so desperately.  I keep reminding myself that it is a marathon - not a sprint and that I don't have to identify in my weaknesses, rather identify through Christ in my strengths....and he will give me the strength to persevere.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

2 Corinthians 12:9

I know that many of you have sent me messages over past blogs I have written about running and my commitment to a healthy lifestyle.  And it was more than the right time to let you know that it does not come easily.  It comes with daily battles of negative thoughts, tears, heartache, low self-confidence, and a hint of bi-polar feelings.  It has become more than just a healthy way of living but more so an addiction.  I will offer up any advice and prayers from you, however, on an extremely positive note, I am in the best health I have been in for years!  Praise the Lord!  Physically I feel stronger!  Mentally I still feel weak.