Day after Valentine's Day

The day after Valentine's Day is more special to me than the day itself. I used to loathe the 14th because I saw it as the National Day of Singlehood Awareness. I remember wanting a Valentine's date year after year after year after year after year. I wanted a Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet and surprise me with what was supposed to be the most amazing day/event of the year. These were fairytale like thoughts...not realistic...but that was all I knew. I craved love and unconditional support from one other person. I thought I needed to not be alone. Well, God had other plans. He made me wait for what felt like an eternity. His timing though has always been better than mine. I had to solely rely on Him before He brought someone else into my life.

Craig and I met as 15 year olds in 2002. We worked on high school staff together at Camp Gilead for 11 weeks that summer and another 11 weeks during summer of 2003. Looking back I feel lucky. Who gets to spend 22 uninterrupted weeks with each other in a non sinful cohabitating way?! High schoolers who work at summer camp...that's who. But the humorous thing is that we didn't exactly get along. It was more of a brother/sister, rivalry type friendship. He threw pudding cups at me in the kitchen when I was yapping too much at him for not doing his job (doesn't that sound like me?), he would spray me with water to try and lighten me up, make fun of the silly things I would say in seriousness, and overall just make my life a little bit more interesting. I knew I loved him though. A mad one-way crush started that summer of 2002 and eventually turned into a two-way love story in 2008 when he asked me if we could start dating. 

To me, this is more of a story than any one day of the year dedicated to "love." For the four Valentine's we have now spent with each other, married, it's usually every other day or the day after that means more. The everyday love. The love through hard days, tough times, and bad attitudes. 

Thank you Craig for choosing me and for sticking with me through every obstacle. Life has been one giant obstacle course but we are getting through it together...hand in hand! ❤️❤️

Bring on the needles!

Well today is day of five on the IVF calendar but day one of injections! Tonight...7pm.

This week I've already been poked and prodded but nothing compared to what is about to come. I'm excited. Nervous. Anxious. Scared. And looking forward to starting so I can eventually stop! I'm in an okay mindset right now (we will see if that changes after 7pm tonight) and am attempting to stay at peace, relying on God's strength throughout this process. There are days that this process/treatment make me miss Mom. But I've had quite the revelation recently. I'm surrounded with an army of support...more support than I had when my Mom was alive.

Let the journey begin and the prayers continue...

...the end of one journey & the beginning of another...

Craig and I are about to embark on an incredible journey...the journey of starting a family. It has been our heart's desire and passion to become a Mom and Dad. We are going on five years of marriage and purposefully decided to wait a while until we felt the timing was right. We moved to Spokane after getting married in 2010. Craig started at Moody Bible Institute while I picked up three jobs to keep the apartment's lights on. It was my pleasure to do this so Craig could finish up his 4-year degree...but the pleasure didn't last long. I got antsy. I wanted to go back to school the day Craig graduated. "My turn?" I asked Craig. I knew this would prolong our plans to have children but knew that our solo time together and our desires of completing education were priority.

Now...4.5 years later...we try to begin a family. Craig and I have gone through the lowest of lows and the highest of highs and feel as if we could conquer Everest if thrown at us now. Well...welcome to our Everest. Starting a family has not come easily. As noted in a previous post, our chances of getting pregnant on our own are slim to none. Thus, with lots of prayer and consultation, we begin the IVF (in vetro fertilization) process...tomorrow. TOMORROW! My heart is doing flips and somersaults in anticipation of what is to come. It feels like I'm sitting in the calm before the storm. I've been through the 2-hour self-injection training, we've consulted with the doctor for hours, we've done test after test, I've endured a hysterscope (btw NOT FUN) and a mock transfer, and the box of meds that maxed out one of our credit cards arrived two days ago.

Can you say pharmacy? This makes me nervous...especially if you know how I do not do well with needles. Well...three injections a day and blood draws every other day...here I come! Balls to the walls! Our hearts ache for a baby (babies?) and I can't wait for the day we get to bring him or her home. The day will come, for God is faithful and will carry us through this hurdle as He has with every other hurdle.

Tomorrow is day one...day one of thirty. I'm making a change for the better during these next thirty days. I'm hopping off Facebook for my own sanity so that I can't be brought down by pregnancy announcements or births as I scroll through my news feed. This is OUR journey and I can't compare it to that of anyone else's. I will check FB messages but won't be on it any other time. As well, I am giving up intense cardio and trading it in for 30-minute walks with Petey. The gym would be playing with fire, for I can't get my heart rate above 140. I commit my time in the morning (since I can't go into work until 8am due to 7am injections, lab draws, and ultrasounds) to quiet studies, meditation, prayer, and encouraging conversations. My mindset is focused and I have to do this for baby H. Following my meal plan is a must because it isn't about me anymore. There is absolutely no room for ED (my eating disorder) and will be in constant contact with my therapist and dietitian at the Emily Program.

We appreciate the flood of prayers and support as we embark on this emotional journey. Yes, my hormones are going to be tampered with A LOT, so hang tight my friends...this is only the beginning...one door has closed and another has opened. We are so blessed by those around us and by the reproductive specialist that has taken us under his wing.