Saturday, October 19, 2013

Caring Bridge

It's been since February since I last wrote in here!
Not cool, Megs, not cool...

But it saddens me as it has been an outlet, a joy, and a hobby of mine to write!
I have temporarily given it up though in order to spend my time focusing on my studies and doing other things, such as creating and maintaining my Mom's Caring Bridge site.

I encourage you to follow me [and my family] on this journey of faith...perseverance...endurance...triumph...tears...and love...

Loves.
Megs

Monday, February 18, 2013

My Life as 'Normal'

I am feeling sensitive and emotional more so lately than ever before and it drives me crazy not being able to say what I am thinking/feeling. I can't put to words what goes on in my head and in my heart -- maybe it's because that is where they are supposed to stay FOREVER.  After all, my life isn't a Hollywood movie.  No one has paid me to tell my story.  Therefore, I really should stop beating myself up over this hurdle in my life.

But I think I want my first book to be titled, My Life as 'Normal.'  This title being so perfect for many reasons, one of which being that I am far from normal.  However, I'm not quite sure what normal means anymore.  I personally think it should be removed from the Webster's Dictionary due to lack of empirical evidence on what it means to be normal.  HAHA I looked it up and it says, "conforming to the standard or common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural." Here is my first question...what the heck is the standard and common type?  Who got to decide that?  That would have been a fun job!!!

I think the reason I would title my first book this (yes...i'm planning on writing multiple, the first being title Meganisms) is because I feel like I have been able to float through life with only small personal battles. It seems I always get the longer end of the stick rather than the shorter end. And it truly makes me angry!!  Why can't struggles be evenly distributed?  Because God doesn't think I can handle it?  Well, if it involves blood or pain then there is some truth to that!  But seriously.  It just doesn't seem fair and it kills me that I always have to be the spectator who sits back and watches everyone else fight their battles.  And to top it off, God made me SUPER, OFF THE CHARTS compassionate!  I carry other peoples' burdens around so well -- protecting them and thinking of them often -- and can't seem to disconnect myself from their pain and hurt.  This makes for a powerfully polarized combination and it causes me lots of distress. And want to know the cherry on top?  I don't know how to communicate and put into words what I am feeling (please revisit the first paragraph above).  What a conglomeration of skills/weaknesses I have been blessed with.  I am constantly trying to figure out how to break this vicious cycle.

Why did I get blessed with being 'normal?'

I don't get really sick BUT close people around me do...

I don't lose family members BUT close people around me do...

I am not getting divorced BUT close people around me are...

I don't have health issues BUT close people around me do...

Tragedy hasn't struck BUT it has with others...

I couldn't have said it better than Tenth Avenue North 

"Worn"

I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Lead Me to the Cross

Savior I come / Quiet my soul remember / Redemption's hill / Where Your blood was spilled / For my ransom
Everything I once held dear / I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Oh Lead me, lead me to the cross


You were as I / Tempted and trialed / You were / The word became flesh / Bore my sin and death / Now you're risen / Everything I once held dear / I count it all as loss



"Quiet my soul"
It's like my soul wants to scream and shout.  If only people could hear it and comfort it.  How do I find the quiet my soul needs, like this song talks about?  It's almost as if my soul quiets the louder I blast this tune.  Ha.  Psalm 131:2 says, "But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me."

It's hard to sit quiet.  We long for noise and the business of the day, the silence sometimes intimidating.  How can we hear the Lord if we never allow time for Him?  How can he quiet our hearts and minds if we don't quiet the noise around us?  

Life is hard.  Let the Lord quiet your soul.



Have I Lost My Readers?

I am still here, with Craig at my side.  We haven't gone anywhere...have you?

I admit I deserve to have my blog never looked at again.  I am unfaithful and can't hold a steady key.  But cut me a little slack while I explain...

graduate school.  the end.

What a challenge life has been over the past six months.  Trying to learn how to study all over again and working through the hand cramps since my hand doesn't remember how to write longer than 10 minutes with a mechanical pencil.  This quarter, which began at the beginning of January, is off to a way better start.  I can actually manage this schedule, allowing times for fun and games every now and then.  Craig and I still like to hop in the car and drive miles upon miles, keeping our weekends full.  Over Christmas break we drove close to 1,000 miles just traveling around to see family!  Portland, Federal Way, Shoreline, Renton, Seattle....

There were some rough moments...and they still come and go.  But in the end Craig and I couldn't be more blessed.  Please remind us of that when you are around us.

Also, I will try to be a more faithful writer in the future.  I greatly miss my creative side.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Grad School Paper # 3


What five principles or values should govern human existence, including choices and behavior?
            It is hard to tell how well a building could withstand a storm by just looking at the walls, for the durability and strength is found in its foundation. This is similar to life. How we treat others, what we accomplish, and the choices we make are not only found in what we do, but also in who we. We are so driven by who we are and what we believe, which are the principles we live by. This is our foundation. Is it durable and strong? Will it withstand a storm? Principles give us direction no matter what circumstance we are in. They are a set of values we base our choices and behaviors on and will ultimately persuade our direction.
            It is our principles and values that keep our choices and behaviors in check. Let me again reiterate the imperfection of human existence, and without founding principles it makes it hard to strive for excellence. It also makes it difficult to align our character with a moral set of beliefs. A few years back I was encouraged to sit down and write out the principles that guide my life. My personal philosophy has aided in the development of the five principles that I think govern human existence. These five principles shape our behavior, the choices we make, and, inevitably, the consequences that may or may not follow. After much thought, I have concluded that the five main principles which govern human existence are: honesty, treating people right no matter how they are treating you, using our strengths to help others with their weaknesses, equality, and keeping promises, commitments, and agreements.
            It is easy to say, “I am honest.” But is it as easy to tell the truth in a dire situation when our life is on the line? Honesty is the act of being truthful and sincere, and it is the freedom from deceit or fraud. It is also the quickest way to determine one’s character, with character being all we really have when it comes right down to it. Staying truthful to oneself and to others allows for natural responsibility. As imperfect humans, we must be willing to accept the responsibility that complete honesty will bring.
            Treat people right no matter how they treat you. It is impossible to control other peoples’ behavior, for the only behaviors we can control are our own. Because of the freedom we have to control ourselves, we can freely change how we react to people who mistreat us, and we can chose to make the right choice each time. Do not pursue retaliation, but instead pursue reconciliation. People are going to slip up and do us harm, especially close family and friends. Grace and forgiveness would not exist if we reacted and got back at everyone for how they have treated us. Overall, if the human race would just assimilate and accommodate the phrase that life is not “tit-for-tat,” there would be more peaceful and compassionate people in our world, making healthy choices for themselves and others.
            We all have different strong points, which inevitably are someone else’s weak points. Therefore, we need to use our strengths to help others with their weaknesses. If we were all designed to be exactly alike, then uniqueness, character, and personality would not exist. Instead, we were created with strengths that are most likely our neighbors’ weaknesses. What good are my strengths that only benefit me? Do I use them to benefit those around me? Or do I selfishly harbor my strengths? I believe that our world was created to resemble a large puzzle, and we are the puzzle pieces. It could be a better place if we all chose to support and encourage those around us. In summary, take what we were given and give to others so that they may join us on the journey of success.
            Equality means that no one person is better than anyone else. Equality does not mean we are all the same, for no two people are alike. Piggybacking off of the above principle is the idea that we were all created differently and uniquely: in color and style, financially, emotionally, and physically. However, the common denominators holding us together are that we are all human beings and we all have life. Do not fall into the trap of treating some people better than others. We all deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, which will result in an equal society. The principle of equality largely governs behavior and choice. If we look at individuals through this pristine type of lens, it can change the way we treat them, talk to them, and look at them. Equality is something our country has been striving for long before the MLK Jr. revolution fifty years ago, so let us continue forth with the same goal.
            Lastly, I think it is important to keep promises, commitments, and agreements. Our society is founded on written and unwritten laws. If we break a law we naturally wreak the consequences, whether that be something as extreme as a life sentence or as small as a small fine. The same should apply to everyday life. When we fail to keep a promise, it communicates our lack of care. We have ultimately elected to place something else ahead of the commitment we made, which can result in an erosion of respect and trust in our relationships. Similarly to the first principle of honesty, our behavior towards people and the agreements we make reflect our character. Do we care enough about others to stay true to our word? That is the message portrayed when we do not do what we say we will do. Do not short-circuit success.
            In conclusion, I hold true to these five basic principles of human existence. Each of them shape and define character and behavior, and influence the choices we make. It is our daily responsibility to be open and honest, treat others right, use and abuse our strengths, share equality, and keep promises. I value human life and I value the freedom I have in this country. However, only through how I live my life can I that expose the principles I have.
            

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving 2012

I couldn't have said it better than Jillian Michaels (yes..I am obsessed with her!).....bottom line......be good to yourself this holiday season!

"Today is Thanksgiving, and I want you take a new twist on it this year. Be thankful for YOU, and how far you've come so far in your journey. Give yourself some props! If you're like me, you spend so much time throughout the year struggling with the day-to-day stuff. Then, come holiday time, when we should be celebrating, we're so tired we can barely get through the day! Listen, you know how much I love pushing you guys to the max, but the whole reason I do what I do is so that people can realize their full potential and be the best that they can possibly be.

So I'm going to keep this holiday note short and sweet (well, to the point at least). Today, and for these next few hectic weeks, look past the calories and exercise for once and focus on the real stuff. This is your life...your life! How far are you really going to go with an amazing body but zero confidence? Start working on the attitude to match the effort you're putting into this.

Lack of self-worth is one of the main factors that makes so many people unhealthy and unhappy. For once in your life, make a choice to NOT let yourself be part of that statistic. If you don't like the situation you're in, then change it! Head for a healthy vacation instead of a stressful family reunion if you know it will knock you down a couple rungs on your ladder. Opt for a night out dancing with friends instead of going to another holiday party, laden with temptation and obligation. Make it a point to surround yourself with positive, strong people instead of allowing the same old naysayers continue to beat you down with their negative energies.

Look, I know this might seem like a lot but think about it this way: Holiday after holiday, people are STILL making and throwing away the same resolutions. Happens every year, time and time again. Isn't it time to finally step up to the plate and make a real difference for yourself? So, in honor of the holiday season, celebrate you for once. Work hard, love hard and be happy. Make it so that, at the end of your days, you have something incredible to look back on. You're the only one who can make that happen. And you can be mighty thankful for that." 

- Jillian Michaels

Monday, November 19, 2012

Grad Paper Paper # 2


What is/are the sources and causes of human problems and dysfunctional behavior?
            This question has required a lot of thought and self-reflection. As I would like to naïvely believe that humans are perfect and pristine beings, I get real with myself when I admit that they are not. Herein lies one of the many causes of human problems. We were created perfect and blameless until sin entered the world. “Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned (Romans 5:12-21, NIV).” I believe through faith that this lays the foundation not only for human problems but also for dysfunctional behavior. All imperfections, biological and emotional, which drive the decisions we make, stem from the fall of man.
            Sin has created immoral temptations, which are the perpetrator for the selfish pleasures and desires of human beings. We long for satisfaction and do not mind instant gratification every now and then. Some acts are stimulated through our need for survival. For example, “I am starving so I am going to find whatever food I can right now,” or, “I am cold. Whoever’s coat this, is I am going to take it for a bit so I can warm up.” These selfish needs do their job to keep us alive and well. However, the selfish need for alcohol and drugs, as a result of craving satisfaction, are damaging to the individual and his/her biological development and immediate environment. Following the fulfillment of these satisfactions are the poor choices made while under the influence. It is with these choices that come human problems and dysfunctional behavior. Selfish desires and pleasures are found in everyone; however, it is all weighted on how we respond to those cravings.
            Aside from our innate selfishness, we have imperfections and weaknesses. An Adlerian therapist would describe the process as being inferior and seeking superiority. To compensate for our weaknesses, we strive for perfection but always seem to fall short. In some, their strife for perfection revolves around getting good grades, achieving athletic success, or attaining a waist that is a size zero. Others, however, steal, lie, and cheat in order to achieve financial success/comfort, satisfaction in a relationship, or maybe to just appear materialistically perfect. Imperfections can cause a great deal of discontent. When we see something we do not like in ourselves, we can do one of many things: accept it, use it to strengthen and grow us, project it onto others, or in a more extreme case, get bitter or angry and make poor choices to counteract the uncomfortable feeling. This war within us will most likely turn outward and be reflected through behaviors. Our society is a collection of good and bad, strengths and weakness. Do we start a battle with those around us as a means of coping with what we see in ourselves that we do not like? Do we turn to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or other addictions to soothe our cravings? If not dealt with properly, imperfections and weaknesses can be a source of human problems and dysfunctional behavior.
            Lastly, individual or societal differences can lead to problems. What one person may consider as a golden opportunity, another may consider as a threat. It is our perceptions about the world and how we make sense of it all that differ, and when two opposing perceptions clash a conflict will arise. We go to war to defend and protect our ideas and beliefs. If we all held the same ideas and saw situations identically we would have no reason to go up against each other. We would all see eye to eye and problems would not arise. I appreciate the uniqueness in each person and every country, for it keeps our world vivid, lively, and not boring. What I think is beautiful might be garbage to someone else. Am I willing to fight enough for such a belief to outwardly try and change the other individuals’ opinions? Not necessarily, but someone else may choose to negatively display behaviors, while making poor choices in the process, in order to reach an agreement.
           In conclusion, I believe we were intricately designed by God to have a heartbeat, a laugh, and a smile. This allows us to separate ourselves as a human race based on characteristics not known to other species. Historically, I believe that over hundreds and hundreds of years our society has molded itself into what it is today, for that is how we got to this place in time. The strength of specific individuals, for example MLK Jr., has enabled us to have more freedom as humans, and it is with that freedom that we can serve our Creator, which is our sole purpose and meaning in life.