Dear Friends....

Dear Friends:

The holiday season is a time of peace and happiness; a time of family gatherings, and a bond of closeness felt more strongly than any other holiday of the year.

There are also very different emotions surfacing now for those of us who have experienced the death of a parent. I may be angry, depressed, fearful, or I may just not care. There may be a deep consuming anguish for those having their "first" Christmas, to a few tears and the remembrance of "how it used to be", for those experiencing the second, third, or twenty-third holiday.

There are times when it is too painful to tell you how I feel, or why I act a certain way. Sometimes I don't know myself. I can't tell you why today, hearing a song, seeing a child going into a store or seeing her favorite food, should bring memories and tears, when yesterday it didn't.

I may want to change things this holiday, do them differently than I have in the past. This is my way of coping the the holiday. Please take my feelings into consideration when making your plans.

For some of us, shopping, buying gifts, can be difficult or extremely painful. It seems you always have to pass, or find yourself in, that section of the store where you no longer need to be. Small tasks that I did last year, this year remain undone. They may not seem important; I may not have the energy; or they are just too painful to do. "Put up a tree? I just can't. I just can't use those ornaments."

Please don't tell me to turn off my memories, to snap out of it, that she is dead and life must go on. I, more than you, know my loved one is dead. But my love for them doesn't end with death. All I have left of a very special part of my life are the memories, and they return at unexpected times, filling me with the intense longing for what is no more. Yes, I fully realize that she is dead, gone forever, and that is what hurts.

Please have patience with me. Try to understand why I am acting or feeling the way I am today. With a small look or gesture, let me know it is all right with you for me to love, to cry, to remember. I'm not doing it to make you uncomfortable or to gain sympathy. I am just trying to cope. Please help me "make it through" this holiday season.

Megan

(excerpt taken from Franciscan Hospice Bereavement Services)

Dear Body...

A Letter To Any Woman Who Thinks She Needs A Different Body To Be Loved

(stolen from: http://www.mindbodygreen.com)

"You have a light inside that shines so brightly. If you could only see yourself the way others do, you would feel the love and energy you exude organically and effortlessly 

You have a natural glow around you that illuminates the room. Your smile warms our hearts and your eyes light up with passion when you talk about what you love. 

But I sense your pain. I know you fall into sadness. Hopelessness. You feel unworthy. You feel you are a burden as you carry around guilt from mistakes. It's OK: you are here, now, and the past is behind you and behind us all. 

I feel your need to be seen. Like you, I also want to be appreciated. You are not alone in any of the feelings you have. Your sadness is part of a collective human consciousness. To be human is to feel — sad, happy, angry and so on. Your emotions are glorious reminders that you are indeed alive. So honor the intensity of them, even if it is uncomfortable. 

Consider everything you have ever done up until this point in your life has actually prepared you for who you really want to be. Please forgive yourself for what you think was a wrong choice or disruptive situation. There are no mistakes. Just growth. You are right where you should be. 

You are making a difference just as you are, but I sense you don't see this. Instead, you close the blinds and fall into your habits, addictions and negative self-talk. 

You carry around open wounds from your childhood and failed expectations from situations gone awry. You think it's your fault. But it's not. You get mad at yourself and say harmful things, mad that you can't seem to get it right. Furious you are still trying to break that habit or reach that goal. It's OK. You have done nothing wrong. 

Everything is as it should be. Trust the process. I see you fall into self-sabotage by attacking yourself mentally and berating your body. I know it's hard for you to look in the mirror and love what you see. I know you want to change yourself. But your physical presence is perfect as it is. 

You resist, hate, pinch, squeeze, yell at and condemn your beautiful body. You want to change it. If only you could lose weight you'd be loved, feel appreciated, be seen. If only you had the surgery to enhance the body part you are insecure about, then you could be proud of your body. Then maybe people would see you for who you are. 

But here's the thing: we already see you for all of your grace and glory. You are so beautiful in this moment, your love and kindness can move mountains. You have no idea how amazing you are. You have no idea how much of an impact you are making on the world by you just being you. 

I know some days it is hard to get up. To move forward. To say something nice. But it is worth it, and you can do it. If you could trade places with those who love you for you and see how others see you, you would be amazed at how perfect you are. I don't say "perfect" to endorse perfectionism, but to emphasize that there is nothing about you that you need to change. You are your own worst critic. But you are dearly loved. You are seen. You are appreciated for you just being you. 

For today, try it out. See yourself the way the world sees you. A beautiful human, graceful and kind. You matter and you make a difference. There is nothing to change for you to fit in. You're perfect just as you are. We love you. Please love yourself."